


beaming, brighter than the stars

by k3ewee



Series: a small pulse within the vast universe [1]
Category: ARGONAVIS from BanG Dream! AAside (Video Game)
Genre: Established Relationship, Family, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, M/M, its mostly focused on wataru, yuuto and wataru want to be adoptive parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:28:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29075580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/k3ewee/pseuds/k3ewee
Summary: It had probably been back when Wataru lived at the sharehouse with Yuuto and the others, all those years ago, when the two of them first talked about having children. He had always been wary of the idea, but would keep his worries bottled up to himself. Until one day, when he was dragged by Yuuto to do volunteer work at the local orphanage, he had a fateful encounter that was the first step of something that would change their lives forever.
Relationships: Goryo Yuto/Matoba Wataru
Series: a small pulse within the vast universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2133207
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	beaming, brighter than the stars

Thanks to their appearance at LRFes all those years ago, Argonavis had been scouted by a big label. Signing the contract with them had been just the first step to performing all across Japan while based in the capital, where they would record singles, release albums, prepare for shows… But even though they still continued to do gigs as a band, all of them began to settle down around the time Ren and Fuuta got married.

Wataru was in his early thirties now.

Since he was not as busy as Argonavis' bassist anymore, he took the opportunity to finally work on getting a masters degree. He was still living in Tokyo — he had never left the city he had moved in with his bandmates all those years ago. Though, since the last couple of years, he hadn't been living with all of them anymore. Only with a certain guitarist, of whom he was especially fond.

While he and Yuuto had never thought of giving any names to the relationship they had, it was clear they had been something for maybe as long as Argonavis had existed. Or maybe even before that? And funny enough, they were the two members who had originally formed the band, before everyone else joined. That was back when they were still college students in Hakodate. So much had changed since then. And Wataru held those memories always close to his heart.

Memories that at the same time felt like they had flown by so fast, but also as if there were enough of them to fill a whole eternity. One he had spent together with his band, who, much more than his friends, were his family. And together with the man who slowly became the love of his life, during the course of so many days, months, years, that it was impossible to count.

It had been one stare that lasted a second too long, that led to one holding a fond gaze for a minute too long when the other wasn't looking — or so they believed. It had been the distance kept as they walked besides each other, an inch shorter every time, until there was no distance at all between the palms of their hands. And the touch of hands held against each other that led to a kiss, which led to another, and another. Falling asleep in each other's room back at the sharehouse, until they didn't even know which room was whose, before they decided to move into a place of their own.

With one slowly letting themselves into the other's life a little bit more each day, Wataru allowed his heart to up a little bit more every time. And everytime it did, it felt natural. It felt right. As if it had been fate.

He wasn't able to tell for how much time they had been together. Years, for sure, many years. But how many exactly — five?, ten? —, he did not know. Nor had they ever bothered to count. There had never been a specific moment in time in which whatever there was going on before between the two of them turned into dating. To be honest, Wataru also didn't recall ever calling it dating at all. As much of a huge appreciator of beautiful words he was, he had ironically never pondered much about which word was the right one for Yuuto: he was Yuu, just that. But if he was to precise it... Were they dating? Were they partners? Boyfriends? Were they best friends?

Do best friends get lost into each other's eyes, as one's mind drifts to the thought of how every moment spent with each other was their most treasured thing in the entire world? Is it best friend behavior for one to wake up every day in the other's arms, kiss them goodbye before leaving to work, only to spend the course of the next hours missing them, thinking about the moment when you will meet them back home again? Do you call your best friend a person you have already made so many lifelong plans with? Who you want to spend the rest of your existence with? Who you want to raise children with?

As they first rented a house together, they had probably hit at least the five year relationship landmark. They had to admit, this was starting to get kind of ridiculous. So, on the first night they spent at their new place, the two of them declared that from day on they were officially dating.  
Wataru and Yuuto had just celebrated their official two year relationship anniversary a couple of months ago.

It had been probably since their sharehouse days that the two of them talked every now and then about adopting kids in the future. If it was up to Yuuto, he was ready to do so right now — he had already been back then, too. 

Wataru wasn't.

The reason why they both wanted kids was the same: they wanted a chance to give someone all the love and support that they didn't get from their parents when they were kids.

However, for Wataru, there was something more. He knew how much his older brother had struggled to take care of him when they were little, due to their parents being absent often. He remembered how Kenta would wake up early to prepare their meals and get him ready for school. After they came back home from classes, he would be busy with household chores; but never too busy to help Wataru with his homework whenever he needed his help. Young Wataru used to ponder when his brother had time to do his own homework. Until one time, when it was already past midnight and he couldn’t sleep, he noticed the light on the room across from his was still on.

Kenta had always been the kind of person who did everything within and beyond his reach to help people he cared about. Even when their parents divorced and Wataru was taken in by their father, Kenta decided he would live with their mother, just so she wouldn’t be alone.

The two brothers didn’t speak much to each other since then, and to this day they had a bit of a rocky relationship. But Wataru did admit, he was grateful for everything Kenta had ever done for him.

Of course, that didn’t mean he wouldn’t have exchanged that in a heartbeat for a normal childhood with present, loving parents. And he certainly knew that he would never do the same thing if he was ever to have children. He swore that, if he did, they would never have to go through that kind of thing.

But as Wataru always repeated to himself, he and Yuuto were still busy all the time: despite the fact that band activities had slowed down, they still met once in a while to perform and record new songs. On top of that, both of them had their jobs: After finishing his masters, Wataru got involved in other projects at the university, and since then he'd been working as an academic researcher. Yuuto got a job as a high school History teacher, and he also volunteered regularly at the local orphanage.

When wanted to be prepared, ready to make everything perfect if he did have children. Which included a nice place to stay, financial stability, and extensive parenting knowledge so that he would know exactly what to do in every possible outcome. Among many other things. And, of course, making sure he’d have endless time to dedicate to them.

Wataru had never told Yuuto about his worries. But also never admitted, not even to himself, that perhaps those worries were only fears.

They were busy, yes. Though, was it true that they had no free time at all? Of course they would find a way to make time for their priorities, had they decided they’d adopt children. They would make it work out: they always did.

What Wataru was not able to work out was his feelings. He couldn’t stop thinking, repeating to himself he wasn't capable. That, if he wasn’t ready for everything, if there were still things he didn’t have full comprehension of, he was just not enough . He’d always be extra careful with all the things he did, which had gotten him through every situation he found himself into. But worry and uneasiness would always keep him company as well. Not knowing how to let them go, he simply held onto them.

This was his way of guaranteeing that he had everything under control.

Bringing a child into their lives, however, was a whole other level. And there was nothing that scared Wataru more than the thought of not being prepared enough.

Whenever the matter of adopting kids was brought up, he would cut it off by saying he wasn't ready yet. Which would usually shut his boyfriend up about it. But wouldn’t work as an excuse to refuse it when Yuuto invited him to go do volunteer work with him at the orphanage.

Wataru wanted to go. He loved being around kids. The way Yuuto always talked about it sounded so fun too.

And the problem was precisely that: he knew he would enjoy it.

He wanted to be a father so bad. He also knew, if he ever entertained the thought for more than one second, a feeling that he made sure to always keep bottled up would come out to bother him. A feeling that, if he was to address, he would have to sort out the fears he was dreading to confront. So, he never went.

On one day, it was because he was busy with his job. On the other, because he’d rather use his free time to work on the lyrics for a new song. Or he really needed to finish reading this book. Or he had chores to do in the house. Or he was feeling sick.

But there were only so many excuses he could give to Yuuto without making him suspect that maybe there was another reason why he didn’t want to go. So, after saying no a million times, one day Wataru finally had to say yes.

\---

Wataru kept a certain distance as he watched his boyfriend flawlessly strum his guitar, his sweet singing voice a lovely melody accompanied by that of dozens of enthusiastic children.

Before they had left the house, Yuuto insisted on bringing his bass. He also said maybe he should bring his electric guitar along with the usual acoustic guitar, and both the amps of course, and then he could shoot a call to Ren, Banri and Rio to see if they were free to come so they could turn it into a mini live!, but that was immediately shut down by Wataru. Luckily for him, he managed to make him give up on taking the bass as well, as Wataru said he would just tag along and (maybe) sing songs, leaving instrument-playing to Yuuto.

The two of them sat side by side by the bench in the little park at the back of the orphanage after they were done setting everything up. They were greeted by a small group of kids even before they had started playing anything, and more of them kept coming with each chord Yuuto played on his guitar.

They all sat around them on the floor, some of them even on top of the trees nearby. Some of them, who seemed to know the lyrics to all the songs he played, accompanied in unison, loudly and with enthusiasm. The ones who didn’t, though, did not fall behind: they sang along what they could, with the same passion and cheering with liveliness at the end of each song. Some of the older kids were quieter, but even they were affected by the sound of Yuuto’s guitar, as they hummed and timidly moved to the rhythm of the song.

To be honest, Wataru was finding it fun. But the voice at the back of his mind was quick to tell him that that was a problem. So, excusing himself, he left for a short walk to clear his head.

He knew from the start that something like this would eventually happen if he agreed to come. Yuuto and the kids were having a blast. And seeing such a bright smile on the face of the man he loved filled his heart with joy. That sight, and the fact he was also having so much fun himself… It made Wataru wonder how their life would be, if they made their family grow to be more than just the two of them.

No.

He couldn't allow himself to think about that.

Wataru looked around. He was inside the building now. At some time during his walk, he must have thought of looking for the bathroom to wash his face. But — where was it, and where was he exactly?

He found himself in a corridor, just having come from the building's entrance and turned right twice... He thinks. It was close enough to where everybody else was: joyful singing voices and laughter coming from somewhere could still be faintly heard. He unknowingly let out a timid smile.

In front of him, there was a closed door. Perhaps that was it? He pushed it open, without thinking much. But what he found instead was what appeared to be some kind of supply closet.

Inside, there were crates, boxes, lots of cleaning supplies... And a teenage girl?

"Oh, sorry. I was looking for the bathroom", Wataru said as soon as he realized someone else was in there.

The teenage girl sat on the floor, with a flashlight in hands and a book resting on top of her knees, legs held against her chest. Her face, mostly hidden behind messy, shoulder-length brown hair, had an almost annoyed expression to it.

"Wrong door", she said, not even bothering to look up.

Wataru froze. What was she doing there? Did she live here? She looked older than the other kids he had seen earlier that day, but he couldn't think of any other reason why she would be there. But if that was the case, why wasn't she with the others?

"I can see that", Wataru said, before his confused self even noticed he had opened his mouth. Well that was rude, he immediately realized. "What are you doing here?", he asked in a softer, more gentle voice.

"Reading."

Idiot, he thought. Of course she is.

He figured it would be better to just apologize and leave her be. Something was telling him she would rather not be having that conversation. He was about to leave, when he recognized something…

"Hmm... Good book, that one. How far have you gotten?"

As the huge book nerd Wataru was, he couldn't help being excited seeing that the book she was reading was one of his favorite stories. And by the slight change on the girl's expression upon that question, he got that she was assuming he wasn't going to shut up.

He did not, indeed. But that didn't end up being that bad of a conversation.

\---

"Yuu... I wanna say something. Please don't be mad at me."

"Huh? Why would I be mad, babe?" It was later on that same day. Yuuto was lying down by Wataru's side, facing their bedroom wall, as they were about to sleep. He turned around, so that they were looking at each other. "For leaving me alone earlier today?", he teased.

Wataru ended up spending the whole afternoon talking to that girl he met at the orphanage — Youko, her name was. He came back to Yuuto and the others only when they were about to leave and return home.

"Ah.", right, there was that too, Wataru thought. "I'm sorry..."

"I'm just joking!", he let out a smile: that playful, warm, and so annoyingly beautiful smile Wataru loved so much. One he was so lucky to be able to see every day whenever they exchanged looks, and still, he would never get tired of. It was dark, their silhouettes illuminated only by the moonlight coming through the window, with its thin curtains not completely closed. But that smile was so dazzling it gave him the impression that it was enough to light up the whole room. "So what is it you wanna say?", Yuuto continued.

The rest of the afternoon had flown by. Talking to Youko and getting to know her had been so fun. Wataru felt like they could understand each other. And that, while he was lucky to have found people who understood him, perhaps it had been long since Youko talked to somebody who could, or cared to try to understand her. He could tell it by the way she hesitated at first to hold any kind of conversation with him, but how she slowly warmed up as he showed her through his actions that he was listening. And as she felt safe to share a bit more, he found so much in her that reminded him of his younger self.

Just like him, she loved reading, and was even reading one of his own favorite books. One he had read front to back countless times, and yet, whenever he did so he would find something new he hadn't noticed before that would catch his eye, and it would give him chills as if he was reading it for the first time.

Youko’s attention seemed to have been caught by the story's well-articulated pace and beautiful choice of words, too, making her numb to her surroundings, the same way it would happen to him. She would be too oblivious to her short messy hair getting in front of her eyes, until it would completely block her vision and she'd tuck it behind her ear, annoyed. Wataru was familiar with that, it happened to him all the time too. Hence why he owned hundreds of hairpins and always wore two to keep his stubborn hair out of the way. He had given her his, since he had so many spare ones anyway. On the car ride back home, as Wataru was driving, Yuuto had run a hand through his hair and commented on the lack of hairpins. Wataru said nothing, but wondered if Youko had kept them or thrown them away.

And there was something else they both had in common, something Wataru, too, knew very well: she also preferred the company of a good story than that of a large group of people. Which, in her case, got her as far as hiding in that small supply closet so she could read, while all the other kids gathered outside to listen to Yuuto's music. For Wataru, of course, it would be impossible to find something he would prefer to do over that: the sound of Yuuto's singing voice and particular way of strumming the guitar was his favorite in the whole universe. But he had to agree with Youko that being around so many people would quickly become overwhelming to the senses, especially when he used to be her age.

Although, even if she had said — and Wataru could relate to it — that being by herself was a choice, he could see a shred of something else when he looked into her eyes. Was it fear? Or was it just disappointment, conformity? He could only imagine an orphan girl her age had gone through so many rejections, told "no" so many times, until she found in herself a company that could always be trusted, that would never leave.

And what was the reason was she still living there?, he thought. Sure she had gone through interviews before, with couples who had considered adopting her. What made them give up?

She did look like a bit of a troublemaker, that one. And he could understand that her cold, reserved attitude could throw some people off. But as a fellow introvert, he knew all it takes for one to open up is being shown openness and willingness to listen.

If anything, wasn't it possible that the same coldness that drove people away from her was a result from rejection itself? What if she preferred to be alone just because she knew people wouldn't understand her, or wouldn't want her around? What if it was because, having been through that kind of situation this many times, she knew exactly what would always happen, which led her to think that the best, safest thing was to be alone? Did she believe she would never be getting a home?

The thought of that was sad, just so sad.

Because, what if she was right? Wataru didn't know Youko's age, but she had the looks of a 13, maybe 14 year old girl. And the chances for a kid to be adopted at this age were so slim. What would happen to her if she didn't get adopted? How long would they allow her to live at the orphanage, and where would she go after that?

Yuuto was lying down by his side, still staring at him. Having just asked, "so what is it you wanna say?", he waited patiently for a response. Wataru was not the type to say things without thinking, or do anything before overthinking a million times, in fact. What had prompted him to let that out so abruptly, he didn't know. But before Wataru was even aware of the words leaving his mouth, he had already said it:

"Let's adopt a child!"

Yuuto made a little noise. "Let's what now?"

His face was barely visible in the dark, but even if Wataru wasn't looking at him, he knew him too well to imagine him blinking once and opening his eyes wide. As Wataru realized, too late, what he had said, there was silence.

"I mean... Yeah, let's do it, you know I've always wanted to do that!", Yuuto continued, as he had been met with no answer. "But why so suddenly? What happened? Are you sure?"

His first instinct was to take it back. To reconsider it, like he had done so many times before, whenever the subject would come up.

But he didn’t. Perhaps motivated by something that had always been in a hidden corner of his mind. Or maybe the reason was speaking to Youko and seeing what a sweet child she was, but how sad it was that others may have never been able to see it, and how he wanted to look her in the eyes and tell her everything was going to be fine. But, no, it wasn’t just that. He wanted it to be him, the one to make sure that everything was indeed going to be fine. Though he might not have all the answers to all the problems and questions yet — and he admitted maybe he never would —, he was able to give her a home, and a chance of having a family. Which is more than enough, after all.

Somewhere on Wataru’s mind, he knew.

He knew people only hold onto fear because it gives them the illusion of being prepared; but that in the long run, it only holds you back from the things you want the most in life: the ones that offer you the greatest reward, but are also the ones you need to fight for.

He knew that one can only be ready for the unknown to a certain extent, but there’s no way to foresee how things will turn out for sure before the right moment arrives.

But most importantly, he knew his own fear was unfounded. He was nothing like his parents. And he knew Yuuto would also make sure they never made the same mistake as they did. He had been through his own family-related struggles, and, even though that was a completely different story, in the end they culminated in the same resolve as Wataru’s: their future children would never feel alone. They would never feel unloved. They would always know they had a safe place they could come home to, and two loving parents who they could count on for anything. A helping hand when they tripped and fell. A shoulder to cry on when life would get hard. Two pairs of loving arms welcoming them home each and every day. Because in their family, love would never lack.

And in Youko's life, there would never be one more day when she would feel rejected. She would never think, even if for just one second, that she was unwanted.

So when Yuuto asked him if he was sure, Wataru had never been more positive on one thing.

"Yeah", Wataru replied. "I'm sure".

**Author's Note:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaa omg hi im @fruitbirb on twitter and this is the first fic of this series that focus on mine and @luka_ren_one 's headcannon of yuuwata being married in the future having kids and being happyyy thanks for reading ehe


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